


Tired of Feeling Alone

by BerryBucky



Category: Don't Let Me Go - Harry Styles (Song), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Character Death, Dont judge too much lol, F/M, First Time Blow Jobs, I Wrote this in 2014, I'm Bad At Summaries, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Multi, Riding, Self-Harm, Smut, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, The X Factor Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:36:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23087971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BerryBucky/pseuds/BerryBucky
Summary: Harry has been in love with Louis since the xfactor. But things change and he feels alone.Title inspired by Don't Let Me Go - Harry Styles
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Kudos: 12





	1. Prologue: Don't Let Me Go

**Author's Note:**

> This was written in 2014 im so sorry its so bad.

Harry looks at Louis through the glass saying "This one is for you BooBear"

Then he hears it slowly fading in. His voice like angel the lyrics that have so much depth to him. His eyes get teary his voice doesn't waver. He just looks into his loves eyes and utters the last few lines  
"Don't Let Me  
Don't Let Me Go  
'Cause I'm Tired Of Sleeping Alone"  
Louis stand there gaping at the man he loves. He thinks of the boy that stole his heart and he can't ever let go.

The tears stream down Louis face as he mumbles "only a little while longer Harry. We can get through it."

The seconds turn into minutes. The minutes to hours. Hours to days. Days to weeks, to months to years.

Slowly things change. Slowly Louis isn't allowed to be around Harry any more. Slowly they make it seem like things between Louis and her are real. Slowly Harry is breaking more and more.

"It will be soon Harry."  
"When?"  
"Soon."  
"Yea soon."

Things start to change he forgets. He misses this. He doesn't respond to this. He is too busy with her. Suddenly the compass is fine with out the ship, yet the ship is in dire need of the compass.

"Louis?"  
"What Harry?"  
"Nothing never mind."  
"Fine what ever"

Then it dawns on Harry that it's all too much. He looks over at the man he loves. He looks over and breaks. He gets up writing a note leaving it in his journal.

The moments between the two love birds are rushed. No more sneaking kisses, no more teasing touches. Harry feels empty. Out of love.

Louis wakes up cuddling with Harry still fresh in his mind. He sighs looking at his phone. Today is the day the day he was going to show his true love for his Harry. He approaches the washroom opening the door.

It hits him.

His love laying on the floor cold and lifeless. The note resting his those giant hands that he loved. He picks it up pulling Harry to his chest. He cries and that's when he hears it.

Don't let me,  
Don't let me go....

"I never meant to let you sleep alone."


	2. Chapter 1: X Factor

Harry was nervous. He wasn’t ready for this, no matter how much he tried to convince himself he was his brain would say different. Harry knew he was getting closer to his turn but he was also feeling ill. He saw the stage meters away and that was that he bolted. He could feel the breakfast he picked at rising in his stomach and ready to burst. He needed the washroom.With a minor accident of entering the woman’s restroom, Harry finally felt in nerves ease as he looked into the mirror.

“You can do this Styles. Come on you can do this!” He mumbled before looking up and meeting eyes with his caramel hair swept over to one side and a very cute button up with a tie.

“Hi.” The strong Yorkshire accent laughed out.

Harry smiled his bright dimpled smile. “Oops?” And like that Harry was sunk.

“Nice to meet you,165998.” The boy smirked out. “Never hear a like that every day.”

After a minute harry realized he needed to reply. It wasn’t his fault that the Yorkshire lad in front of him was more attractive than any other person alive.

“Oh um right… ‘M Harry, Harry Edward Styles.”

“Well my dear Harold do you always tell strangers you meet in the loo your full name?” This lad was very sassy and what can Harry say. He loved it.

With a smirk appearing Harry replied, “Only to the good looking ones”

Yorkshire smiled and looked into Harry’s jade eyes. “Very cheeky Harry may I get a picture?”

Harry blushed feeling his heart close to bursting, “Only if I can get a name and a number.”

“Louis Tomlinson and that comes later.” Louis smiled taking out his phone and pulling Harry close in a simple picture. “Ah now I like this. You are going to do big things Hazza.”

Harry felt his heart swell and cheeks brighten even more. “You think so Louis?”

Louis stepped closer brushing his lips over the shell of Harry’s ear. “I do.”

As they both leaned in lips almost touching Harry’s number was called.

Deep down harry knew this couldn’t be the end.

-

As it turns out Harry was right none of this with Louis was the end. In fact it was only the start. Harry couldn’t wait. Sure he was excited to be in a band. Sure Harry loved the three other boys who were in the band but Louis came first. Louis always comes first. Well to Harry Styles that is. The five boys decided to meet up at Harry well more like Louis convinced them all.

“Well unless you want four little poppets running around while we practice my place is a bust?” Louis rolled over flicking his hair off of his forehead.

“I got two stubborn sisters too so I’m out.” Zayn grumbled.

As Liam opened his mouth Louis smirked, “Oi Payno. We know we have to practice but we want some fun time to. So curly,” Louis started. “What about your place?” The wink Louis sent over put Harry’s veins on fire. It felt like the older boys stare was the only thing holding Harry on earth.

“HARRRRRY!!!” Niall whined. “Are you going to answer or not?”

It was like that Harry was pulled out of Louis orb and back into the worlds. “Oh um right? My dad has a place we can stay. It’s pretty chill.” Harry smiled showing is dimples.

Soon after the dates and times (Because Liam had to make times mocked Louis) were set the boys all traveled off to their homes getting ready to pack up. As Harry finished up in the loo he walked out running into no other than the boy he met in the loo just a number of weeks ago.

“Oops.” Louis smiled moving over to let Harry though.

“Hi!” Harry repeated chuckling trying to avoid any awkward that Harry knew was to come.

All Louis could do was look at harry in awe with a twitch of the corner of his mouth he moved in front of harry again.

“You know my dear Harold; we really can’t keep meeting like this all the time.”

“It’d be a great story for the kids.” Harry offered feeling the edge lift.

Louis let out a loud laugh that ended with the brightest smile Harry had ever seen. “Now Harold you have to wine and dine me before we can think about kids. Also if you aren’t a Rovers fan it just can’t happen.”

A pout played on Harry’s lips. “Manchester United.” The gasp Louis let out any one could tell was played up but no matter how dramatic it made Harry very happy.

“I thought we had something special Harold. But you and Manchester went and screwed it up!” Harry smiled giggling at Louis remark and, the next thing Harry knew the Yorkshire lads’ lips were on his.

The kiss to Harry was better than any he had ever had. Louis lips were soft and slotted perfectly against his. He wasn’t rough and needy it was very simple and thrilling. By the time the older boy’s tongue lapped into Harry’s mouth, Harry was in love. Harry was in love with the way Louis rubbed his thumbs into his hips. They way Louis tasted like honey and chocolate biscuits. The way Louis always smelled of tea and it made Harry feel safe. It also made Harry fall even deeper.

Louis pulled back looking as smug as ever. “Lovely lips young Harold. I’ll make sure to come early to see what else they can do. Oh and you better hurry along.”

A dark blushed appeared on Harry’s cheeks just before Louis disappeared into the washroom. The smile was plastered and Harry knew he wouldn’t tell anyone no matter how much they bugged that he was so far gone for the boy he met in the loo.

-

As a few days went by Louis and Harry couldn’t stop texting each other. It started off with harmless conversation as would any two almost strangers chatting would.

From Bathroom Boy: HAROLD TALK WITH ME I AM BORED!

To Bathroom Boy: Louis you know my name is Harry right?

From Bathroom Boy: No it never occurred to me.

To Bathroom Boy: J alright- and just so you know your contact name is ‘Bathroom Boy’

From Bathroom Boy: I am offended!

(After a very ‘upset’ call from Bathroom Boy himself the name was changed.)

After a while of the two texting harmless little conversations turned into very heated flirting.

From The Tommo: So Hazza I was thinking of coming up 2 days early.

To The Tommo: Sounds good! What are we going to do?

From The Tommo: Hands and knees Harold. Knees and hands.

To The Tommo: Sounds fun ;)

From The Tommo: Gosh I wish I could kiss you again.

From The Tommo: Call me? Maybe we could get off together?

To The Tommo: Calling!

-

As it turns out Louis wasn’t lying he did in fact come two days early. Needless to say Harry’s heart swelled when Louis knocked at his door. He met eyes with Louis and couldn’t stop smiling. Not that Harry told anyone but he felt alone for the five days he didn’t see Louis. Sure he texted him but Harry felt like a part of him was missing, then Louis showed up and he felt whole again. Maybe Harry was even more in love than he thought.

As it turns out Louis is everything harry could dream of. He was very sweet and kind to his mum and his sister. A total riot when it came to having fun and being himself but also very domestic. Just after the first day together Louis and Harry got into a grove. Harry would cook; Louis would bug him and try to help (really just mess up Harry’s mums’ kitchen). Louis would make tea and Harry would reach up in the cupboard for him. Harry also would just sit and watch Louis but he would never admit that. It was the same when they would wind down for the night. First it would start Louis and Harry sitting side by side on the couch. Then it would move to Louis older the younger boy in his arms. Finally when Anne would head up to bed she would find both boys wrapped up in each’s arms in Harry’s small single sized bed. 

As far as anyone could tell Styles was in love with Tomlinson. And Tomlinson was in love with Styles.

-

By the time the rest of the boys got to Harry’s place, Louis and Harry got close (Or as Niall said gross coupley close) Every-thing the five boys did Louis and Harry were together. A match of footie Louis and Harry vs Niall and Liam, Zayn how ever sat out (he was sick of the dream team) Even when it came to odd things like going to get towels so the boys could swim; Louis insisted to go with Harry. By the time the night came to an end it was no surprise to Liam, Niall or Zayn that their two band mates were curled up close to each other.

“So,” Liam spoke up getting every one’s full attention (well as much attention has Harry could give Liam while Louis was tugging at his curls) “Why don’t we talk a bit about our self’s.”

All the boys agreed but had no idea where to start but thanks to Niall things took an interesting turn.  
“Oi! Everyone has to say their sexuality and if they have their v card or not? Alright? Alright!” Niall stated, getting chuckles from Louis Zayn and Harry while Liam gave a horrified look.

As soon and Louis saw the look on Liam’s face he smirked. “Liam since you look so into this why don’t you go first?” the Yorkshire lad teased.

Liam gulped any one could notice the tightness in this throat as he went to answer. “Straight and…” Liam trailed off mumbling under his breath.

“Oi, Payno what was that we couldn’t hear you.” Louis continued to push his buttons.

Liam groaned, “Fine! I don’t have it happy!” Louis smiled.

“I think this is the binging of a good friendship Payno!”

Casually the boys continued on as it turns out Niall and Zayn both bi. (Niall went more for woman while Zayn said nothing of who he preferred.) As Niall finished his turn it was now Louis.

“Alright kiddies, its Tommo’s time! So I’m gay. I like dick oh well! And well I don’t have my v card well both ways and I top!” Louis smiled sending a wink Harry’s way. “Now Harold, it’s your go.”

Harry giggled and blushed before looking at the four boys. “Alright, so I am Bi but I like guys more. And I lost my v card one way… For now.” Harry turned leaning to Louis ears and whispering “You promised me hands and knees tommo.”

Zayn groaned about to comment on what just happened when Niall interrupted. “Mates I am the only one who still has their v card… Damn you should help getting me a shag!”

-

As the weeks on the xfactor progressed the band became closer (Louis and Liam became very close and actually became close friends) the bands vocals also became better and before they knew it they were big. They were huge! As things got better, Louis and Harry also got a lot closer. During week one the two lads spent a lot of time exploring each-others body’s. Louis discovered Harry really likes having his Hair played with. Harry also found out Louis collar bones are irresistible. During week two, messy hand jobs before rehearsals, shows and everything in between, where shared. During week three the magical art of sexting was discovered by the crowed. During week four there were tons of looks when either boy would show up with hickies all over their necks. As the rest of the weeks went on things got even more heated but they were hidden until finale night.

It was 2 hours before show time Louis could sense Harry was stressed. Heck they were all stressed but Louis knew how to help harry.

“Lou, where are we going?”

“You’ll see Haz you’ll see.” Louis smiled pulled Harry into their dressing room without looking back. “I’m goanna help you Hazza.” Louis muttered applying pressure to Harry’s crotch. With the moans and whimpers Harry was letting out Louis knew what he was doing was right. Louis loved having Harry come apart beneath him so he decided to take it up a bit.

Louis dropped down to his knees starting to unzip Harry pants when the door opened.

“WHAT THE HELL YE FUCKER!?!?” Niall gasped out looking at Harry and Louis on the ground. “We need to get our hair done go get up before Liam comes to find you guys.” With that Niall left only getting a smug look from Louis and a small ‘oops’ from Harry.

As the night came to an end the boys lost but Harry knew this was only the start.


	3. Chapter 2: 2011

It was no surprise to the boys that after the XFactor Louis and Harry told the three they were dating. It was no surprise that the two love birds moved into together. The surprise was how much the fans can see it. Sure there were the rumors of 'Larry' when they were on the xfactor but it wasn't serious then, now it is. All the boys loved the idea they said it was cute and every time that came up Harry blushed curling into Louis and Lou ran his fingers through his baby's hair. It was normal for them all but apparently not for their management.

"No, it's not normal for two boy band members to date. You can be together as long as you can hide it to the public if not one of you will have to have a fake long term girlfriend." Dan bellowed out. To Harry Dan could be the devil. On one hand he tempted them with a solid record deal the whole bands dream, but on the other he had to have the upper hand and if things didn't go his way bye bye record deal. It didn't seem to phase the boys as much as it did to Harry but maybe it was because he fell to fast. Either way Harry wouldn't settle for this.

"Yea sure I agree." Louis said along with Liam Zayn and Niall nodding.  
With a wicked (to Harry) smirk on Dan's face he replied. "Harry?"  
"No!"  
"Hazza it could be worse just agree please babe." Louis said pulling Harry into his side.  
But none the less Harry would have it. He pulled away from louis standing up.  
"No I want an out clause! Give us two years and we can come out 2013 we can come out. I'm not going to stand here and pretend I don't have feelings for Lou! He's the best thing that has ever happened to me! Two years!" Harry knew he had to leave, half way through the rant Harry's voice faltered and tears pricked into his eyes. He ran for it.  
-

"Babe you in here." Louis whispered creeping into the lobby washroom. "Hazza please answer me." Harry looked down seeing Louis toms standing in front of the bathroom stall he hid in.  
"Louis please leave me alone."  
"I can't do that yourstuck with me, now can you please come out. We got everything worked out Babe. He's giving us two years. Then we can be us." Louis smiled watching Harry exit the stall. "I love you Harold"  
"I love you too bathroom boy."  
-  
With in months of looking for a flat to share Harry found one. And being sneaky he got it with out telling Louis. With the help of his sister and mum Harry got the flat step up perfect for Louis. "My baby boy has a love nest" Anne would mock. On the out side it seemed as though Harry hated it but he wouldn't lie that he loved it more than any thing. With a shit eating grin Harry knew this would be where him and Louis finally made love.

The next day Louis came home from spending a weekend with his family for his stepdads birthday little did he know Harry would have a gift for him when he got back. After a load of whining and questions leaving the tube Louis was getting antsy.  
"Harold why am I wearing the blindfold? Harry where are we going? Harry why aren't you answering me!!" Louis groaned slamming his feet into the floor of the car they were in.  
"Lou if you keep asking questions every time I go to answer then I won't be able to respond."  
"You know if I didn't have this," Louis said making a circle around his eyes and the blind fold. "I would be able to tell when you are going to respond"  
Harry giggled and smiled fondly at his boy. "You are so sassy and stubborn and perfect. I love you."  
"I love you too Harry. But I got a question."  
"Yes?"  
"How bloody far are we going."  
"Oh we've been at our stop for 10 minutes we've just been going around the block."  
"Harry! You are so lucky I love you!"  
-  
After a very long elevator ride up to the flat Harry left Louis blind folded sitting on the couch while Harry got everything ready. We walked to the master bedroom and had each I team laid out on the bed. Harry first placed the condoms and lube on the bed side table then began to change. He slipped out of the trackies and purple jumper he was in leaving him naked and looking at the new tight black boxers he bought.  
"Now or never." Harry mumbled and with that he pulled on the boxers and left to meet Louis on the couch.  
As Harry walked out And he could tell Louis was getting impatient with the tapping of his feet and the bouncing of his knee Harry gulped. He could do this. With small strides and deep breaths Harry got enough courage and smiled to him self.  
"Babe is that you?"  
'Perfect timing' Harry thought taking one last deep breath and straddling Louis thighs. "I'm right here boo." Harry purred out starting to move his hips in small circles.  
"H-Harry." Louis shuttered out reaching his hands up to take off the blind fold but Harry batted his hands away. "Please I want to see you baby."  
Harry giggled grinding down on Louis feeling his cock twitch with excitement. "Not yet boo."  
Louis groaned the bulge in his pants aching with need so much that he couldn't help moving his hips to meet with Harry's thrusts. Soon Harry pealed back Louis blind fold and they met with needy kisses and thrusts.  
"Bedroom" Louis moaned out setting Harry beside him and getting up. With a swift action Louis picked up Harry and had him on the bed in no time.  
"See you planed eh Harold?" Louis smirked before roughly attaching his lips to one of Harry's nipples and sucking. Harry inhaled sharply moving his hands to fist at Louis shirt. No matter how much Harry pleaded Louis wouldn't stop licking, sucking and nipping at Harry's nipple until he was pleased with how hard it was. By the time Louis pulled off of one nipple Harry was thrusting into nothing trying to get some edge off but Louis wanted to tease him.

Louis stripped them both down sitting between Harry legs looking into those bright jade eyes. "I'm gonna suck you off yea?" With a moan from Harry Louis smirked getting to put his lips to work. And Louis lips where sinful and as soon as they were on Harry's full thick cock they were indescribable. Louis wouldn't let Harry fall to close to the edge so he would suck like he was sucking a lollipop then he would lick a stripe from base to tip but the most orgasm inducing was when Louis would bob is head and curl his tongue making an amazing feeling for Harry. With Harry being a moaning and incoherent mess under Louis he knew no more teasing and just time to make love to Harry.

As Louis pulled off of Larry and smiled down at him. "Just a little bit longer. I gotta prep you and-"  
Harry shook his head. "No. No I already did." Harry blushed and looked away.  
"Shit Harry that's hot-" Louis took a condom slipping it on and taking the lube and slicking him self up with a few pumps. Louis took Harry's hips and nibbled at his neck at he slowly pushed in. With a small love bite and Harry feeling so full the moan was more than porno graphic.  
"Move!" He gasped out and with that Louis slowly rocked in and out of Harry at a steady pace.  
"Babe your so tight, and so so good" Louis whispered bending down and nipping behind the shell of Harry's ear. With a moan and a pant of the words 'faster' 'harder' Louis soon hit Harry's bundle of nerves and got him almost screaming out Louis name. With a few more dead on thrusts into Harry's prostate can could feel his climax bundling. As Louis could feel his too he gave his last few thrusts hard and fast into Harry cusing nails to be raked down Louis back.  
"Close!' Lou!" Harry moaned only giving a moments waring before he came all over his stomach and chest. Louis gave a few more thrusts before spilling over into his condom.

After a few moments and some hazy kisses Louis pulled out causing Harry to twitch and roll to his side wanting nothing more than to be cuddled.  
"I love you." Louis whispered.  
"I love you too." Harry smiled and shut his eyes.

He knew he was in this for the long hull.  
-  
As months past things were going great. Their first album finished, first couple ski trip, first meal Louis cooked it was perfect for the two love birds. As more time progressed Louis and Harry could be more in love, as in interviews there was looks of need and just fondness also a bit of jealously on Harry's part (but he was Louis and Louis was his as Harry would remind the boys.) soon management was having issues with all the gay rumours being sent around and Louis and Harry saying things like they were dating and engaged weren't helping.

When Louis and Harry got at text from Dan their world came crashing down.

From Satan (dan): Harry meeting tomorrow 8 am my office with Louis.

To Satan: that really can't work we are up in Donny until Monday then Holmes Chapel until Friday.

From Satan: Fine my office Friday don't be late!

To Satan: Alright.

"Louis!" Harry called out. "We are in deep shit."

-

When Louis and Harry arrived at the Modest! Management building in London on Friday they were scared with sweaty palms and nervous lip biting they walked up to see Satan (Dan) When they walked into the lobby they were both greeted by a very stuck up secretary by the name of Mrs. Calder Harry swore he met her husband after he ran out on Dan during the first meeting. Harry just shrugged it off walking in with Louis. Harry knew Louis would keep him safe.

"Take a seat boys." Dan grumbled out looked with a death glare at the two. And the two being scared enough followed what dan said. "I'm positive you both know why you are here."

"Because we are in love which I think is stupid!" Louis said with a simple eyes roll.

"There is a thing called PDA and you two have had far too much!"

"We aren't platonic best friends for crying out loud!" Louis growled and muttered "fucking tosser" under his breath.

"You gave us two years" Harry added. "Most of the our fans ship Larry there is nothing wrong."

"There is a big thing wrong all the gay rumours look bad! We are taking control of your twitter accounts we will be in contact with the rest of the boys and both of your families. You got one last chance or one of you will have a fake girlfriend."

"You can't-" Harry mumbled on the verge of tears.

"All of you fuckers homophobic all of you!" Louis screamed taking Harry's hand and leaving.  
-

When they got home Harry made Louis some tea and curled up with him on the couch. Not long after Louis fell asleep and Harry needed to vent. So Harry got up looking for the old things from his childhood room. After a long time of looking harry found an old leather note book and new it would be perfect.

Harry sat down out side on the balcony wind nipping at his legs and toes but he didn't mind this was his time. His time to think relax and just to let him self go. He took a back fine tip pen and let his feelings flow.

"Dear Diary,   
I don't really know what to say but I have to get this out. I know that Louis and I being with each other would be a struggle but I never thought it would be this bad. I'm defiantly not going to give up on him he is worth too much for that to happen I just wish things could be easier. I don't want to see him with some one else I don't even want to see him faking it. I just don't want him to let me go..."

Minutes turned longer and before Harry knew it the sun was raising before him and all he did that whole night was sit and write and before he knew it songs about Louis were flowing onto paper. Harry was a peace not even realizing when Louis came out to check on him.

"Haz, is something wrong it's six am and I woke up alone and I just really think I need you more than anything right now." Louis whispered his fluffy hair sticking to his head his eyes watery and glasses barely on the end of his nose.

"Come here boo" Harry smiled opening his arms after closing the leather book. "Nothing's wrong just couldn't sleep." Louis nodding ducking into Harry lap and holding on like his life depended on it.

"What were you doing?"

"Writing."

"Writing what?"

"Songs, I'd love for you to hear some time."

"Me too but maybe not at six am. Let's go to sleep we both need it."  
-  
The 26th of August was fast approaching. Harry was walking on sunshine of how excited he was to be going to Leeds with his one and only. He was just over the moon and back twice over. Since it was their time off Louis had to fuck the energy out of Harry so he wasn't doing every thing 30 miles per second. They both had fun though that's really works out on both end for the two but it was the 25 and Harry couldn't wait any longer to hit the road.

"14 hours Lou!" Harry beamed while making them dinner at four pm.  
"Harry if you keep it up with this energy we might not even make it out of the tent."  
The smile couldn't be wiped off Harry's face. "ILL HAVE SEX WHILE LISTENING TO 30 SECONDS TO MARS!"  
Louis rolled his eyes but couldn't get the found look off of his face. "Of course you would."  
-  
Louis was shocked honestly. He was shocked Harry only had an hour of sleep before he was up at six am packing up the car and heading to Starbucks before traveling out to Leeds. Louis knew it wouldn't take long for Harry to get sleepy and pass out in the car and Louis could watch his boy sleep while he drove and quietly sing little songs his mum would sing to him. In Louis mind everything was perfect.  
-  
It was just before the bands started to set up when Louis and Harry got there and of course Harry was on hyper active mode doing everything faster than he had been the days leading up to Leeds and Louis thought it was the cutest thing ever.

With a little help from a ginger named Ed who Harry soon became friends with they were off listening to all the glory of Leeds. Of course it was Louis and Harry both getting a little tipsy and high with Ed and his friend he took along and it was perfect everything was perfect.

As the night came to an end Louis and Harry where still buzzing on a high. Maybe it was from the pot or the drinks or just buzzing off of being with each other but it didn't matter they knew what was going to happened and it happens quick. As clothes got thrown and lube packets fell there was giggles and nothing but love. As Louis thrusted into Harry they kissed mumbling soft I love you before reaching there climax with a soft moan of each other's name.

For Harry he wished this buzz would last forever.

-  
Things were going grate going perfect. Harry finished his song he'd been working on and now perfecting the guitar for it. Louis and Harry soon made quick friends with Ed and his friend Nick well more Harry than Louis but still things were going grate. It was coming close to their one year together and suddenly things weren't going perfect.

From Satan: Emergency meeting 30 minutes!

To satan: Emergency?

From Satan: You two blew it this time!

At two all five boys were at the building and it couldn't be scarier. They all got pulled in and had their attention point to a screen. A video began to roll it wasn't that good but you could tell who was in it and what they were saying. 

"My baby always so good for me"  
"Yes Lou please harder I need you please."  
"Any thing for you babe"  
A quiter moan from the boy with floppy curls and and soft "Harry shh" form the shorter lad on top rang though.  
As more moans and r rated video was shown it ended just how both Louis and Harry remembered.  
'I love you Lou!" Harry moaned hoarsely reaching his end  
"I love you too Harry!" Louis groaned spilling into Harry.  
Then the video cut.  
At this point Harry was crying. "We closed the tent I know we did how did this happen!!" Harry sobbed into his hands. Louis held Harry as tight as he could and the other boys joined in on the cuddle.

"Louis," Dan stated getting up. "Meet your new girlfriend Eleanor Calder."  
-

It's been 4 months since Leeds and 5 since everything went to shit for Harry. He spent more nights alone then he wanted. He spent more time crying over how worthless he felt then he did in Louis arms.  
"You promised I was stuck with you." Harry said one day as Louis left to be with Elbreadanor. But it was too late Louis left him.

At the end of January Harry knew he was second best to her. Louis spoke more about her than anything he spent more time with her than him. It was as if to Louis Harry was the scum of the earth. He couldn't deal with it any more so he waited.

5 pm Louis wasn't home  
-

6 pm Louis wasn't home

-

9 pm Louis wasn't home.

-

1 am Louis finally got home.

"Where were you?"

"Hello to you Haz."

"Don't call me that now where were you?"

"With el her and I went-"

"Leave!"

"Harry this is my home."

"This hasn't been your home since you've been with her!"

"She has a name Harry!"

"And I thought I had a boyfriend who actually cared about me!" Harry held back his tears picking up his keys and a jacket.

"Harry where the fuck are you going!"

"I'm leaving your home Louis it's clearly not mine you made that choice when you choice her over me. By the way, happy one year!" Harry left slamming the door and driving off. He drove until he needed to call someone. Harry pulled over pulling out his phone trying not to let his tears fall. "Hey Ed can I stay at yours?"

All Harry wished was that he could be her.


	4. Chapter 3: 2012 The Final Chapter

It was very obvious to all the boys that Louis and Harry had something going on. The first sign was when Harry would get a ride with Ed to the studio and from, another was that Louis never wanted to stay in his own flat. He wouldn't give a reason he would just say. "I'm out of tea," or "I don't have clean sheets" and it would be accepted no one knew how to deal with it.

It became clear to the boys when Niall found Harry sitting out side of Ed's car doing nothing but crying.  
"Oi mate what's wrong." Niall shouted running up to Harry.  
"I just can't do it!" Harry said the frustration raising in his voice. "I'm not good enough I should just you guys your better off with out me."  
Niall turned pale all colour in his face lost. "Harry you are made for this."  
Harry just shook and grabbed Niall crying into his chest. "I can't change Niall, I can't change."

-  
Niall didn't leave Harry's side for the next two weeks once Harry told the boys he would be recording the last bits in Holmes Chapel Niall knew he had to get a plan to get Louis and Harry talking again. Once the boys waved Harry off Niall took charge. Niall quickly got up taking a fist into lou's shirt.  
"What the hell did you do to Harry?!" Niall screamed anger defined in his voice. Liam and Zayn tried to pull him back but it was no use. "Tell me now!"  
"I DONT KNOW WHAT HE IS FUCKING UP TO NAILL! If you haven't noticed we aren't talking!" Louis replied his heart clenching is the worst way possible.  
Niall tightened his grip and glared. "He wants to leave Louis, leave all of us. Your all he needs now I suggest you go after him or lose him forever."

Louis felt the tears fall down his face. He was the one who let Harry feel this way.

-  
Harry arrived in at his family home just wanting to talk with Gemma he was her only anchor right now. But he had other plans first. Taking his time looking though all the windows of the shops Harry stopped at the tattoo parlour.  
'I can't change' he muttered.  
-  
Louis showed up at Anne's door step with tear stained cheeks and greasy hair. He wished Harry would open the door he wished he hand't missed Harry. Once the door was opened and Anne was there he thought he was too late.

"He's gone isnt he?" Louis muttered trying not to let any one else see him cry.  
Anne pulled him into a tight hug. "He hasn't come yet now come in and tell me what's wrong."  
Louis gulped how was he spoused to tell Harry's mum and soon to be step dad that he was the reason Harry was so upset. He knew he couldn't lie though. "I hurt him." Louis choked out.

-  
Harry finished up at the tattoo shop looking at his wrist and bicep. A star and a quote that's all he could ask for. Harry knew things wouldn't be the best when he got home he knew he was going to have to deal with reality at some point but not now he needed to get lost get lost in music words and rhythm. He needed his escape.

With his diary in one hand and guitar in the other Harry knew this was the best time Harry knew he could get his escape. He could record his song for his love. The love who he wished still loved him.

-  
It was nine pm Louis was getting worried, Harry never stayed out that late unless he was with some one. Harry could be in trouble or out somewhere drunk Harry could be with some other person for all Louis knew and it was making him feel worse. Louis couldn't handle much else. His thoughts running too fast his mind just out of it. Finally Louis just passed out.

In the morning once Louis woke up he knew something was off. He was no longer slumped in an uncomfortable dining room chair he was in a bed. Louis knew this bed it felt familiar.  
"Harry?" Louis whispered out just opening his eyes a bit.  
"I'm right here lou." Harry said, Louis could tell the uneasiness in that deep voice of his.  
"I'm so sorry. I love you I just didn't want to lose you and by committing so hard I did and I just want you back Harry." Louis sat up looking at Harry who was now crying,  
"I have something to show you."  
-  
Harry looks at Louis through the glass saying "This one is for you BooBear"Then he hears it slowly fading in. His voice like angel the lyrics that have so much depth to him. His eyes get teary his voice doesn't waver. He just looks into his loves eyes and utters the last few lines  
"Don't Let Me  
Don't Let Me Go  
'Cause I'm Tired Of Sleeping Alone"  
Louis stand there gaping at the man he loves. He thinks of the boy that stole his heart and he can't ever let go.

The tears stream down Louis face as he mumbles "only a little while longer Harry. We can get through it."  
Harry nods smiling only as big as he can. "One year." Harry mumbles, "one more year."  
-  
Something's change. Others don't. One thing was the way they looked, with Harry not being able todo anything with out Dan saying that it could be traced back to him being with Louis Harry inked his skin more and more and Louis got matching ones. Oops and Hi were on there skin ships and compasses very much matching tattoos or ones that reminded them of each other. But of course all the media had to know was that they are 'just tattoos' not to Harry to Harry they were the things that made it seem real.

Of course Louis seeing Elbreadanor didn't change and management having their twitter accounts didn't either. It really didn't bother Harry much not until they said that Larry was bullshit that's when Harry realize it. Louis was better off with out him.  
-  
Harry wrote he wrote about how he felt down he wrote about how much to Harry Louis was into girls. Even there kisses were rushed like Harry didn't matter any more and well Harry started to believe that. To Harry he was just another experiment to Louis but Louis was his everything. Harry was fading falling out and he had no one there to pick him back up.  
-  
Louis left him. Their second anniversary and management shipped Louis off for two weeks to be with her. No matter how much Harry fought with Dan about his love Satan won, and it seemed satan always won. 

Harry spent those last two weeks wishing he was some one else. Wishing he wasn't Harry Edward Styles wishing he was some faceless nameless person in the crowd some one incapable of giving and receiving love. He spent two weeks wishing he never existed wishing Harry styles was some one no one ever heard of. But most of all he spent two weeks trying to perfect a good bye.  
-  
Harry was worried that when Louis came home he would realize El was better that Larry was fake and El was everything he ever wanted. El could give him so much an actual family love care everything. Harry was convinced all he could give Louis was a head ache, worry and just pure regret.  
-  
Louis might of lied to Harry about when he was coming back but it was on good measure. Louis was getting out of this with her it was coming up on two years. He had a ring burning a whole in his pocket and a love that he wanted to show. He needed an out. Louis quickly ran into the Modest! building and noticed that no one was out in the lobby and Dans office was open.  
'Snooping never hurts.' Louis thought standing to the side of the door way listening into every word.  
"Dan we have to make her spend more time with Louis, our daughter already said he got Harry a ring." A woman's voice said and Louis knew it was mrs Calder.  
A growl came from someone in the room than Dan spoke. "Mr Calder I thought you said that video you took of them at Leeds would scare them enough."  
"I was wrong," Mr Calder replied. "Louis won't give up. We might of picked the wrong one for a fake girlfriend."  
A loud crash was heard followed by dans voice full of anger. "Fix this now!"  
Louis found their way out.

Louis dashed into the room full of anger. "WE FUCKING TRUSTED YOU DAN! I TRUSTED YOU BOTH AS WELL AND AS FOR YOUR DAUGHTER SHE ISNT NO VICTIM HERE SHE WAS IN ON THIS!! WHAT WAS THE PLAN GET HARRY SO UPSET HE CUT ME OFF AND I FELL FOR HER! I DONT KNOW IF YOU KNOW THIS BUT I AM GAY! You idiots!" Louis bellowed he was sure that the whole building heard. "Now give us our out or I go to news stands with this and don't you think I didn't have my phone recording all of this!" Louis found Harry his out he found Harry a happiness.  
-  
When Louis got home it was ten pm just like he said. He talked to Niall, Zayn and Liam so they were all clear on their plan for tomorrow. But when Louis got inside he couldn't find Harry.  
"Hazza!" Louis called before seeing a bare back with unruly curls out on the balcony. Louis smiled going out and seeing his baby a sleep. With a small peck of the cheek Louis woke Harry and smiled.  
"I'm gonna take you to bed you need some sleep love."  
Little did Harry know sleep was the last thing Harry needed.  
-  
The sun was rising when Harry woke up. He seen Louis beside and it felt unnatural to him it felt like he didn't belong there. Harry hated it. He took his diary placing it on the window ledge and the ripped note with him.  
Harry quietly took his Leeds bracelet from the box he kept it in. He went to the closet taking the small pill bottle from where he stuffed it with a few still unpacked boxes. With that we walked into the washroom. Harry faced the mirror taking a small cup from the side of the sink fulling it to the brim with water then taking a huge handful of pills. He quickly took most in this mouth washing them down. Two more times of the repeated action and there was no going back. He kept the paper tightly in his hand taking a seat on the floor and things became unclear. He soon got dizzy and everything turned to black.  
-  
Louis woke up with no Harry and no smell of tea or pancakes or eggs or anything. This wasn't the way Harry usually spent the mornings. Harry wouldn't just sneak off with out a note or waking up Louis and telling him.

Louis quickly got up making a run for the balcony no Harry.

He checked every where he would normally find Harry and no Harry. He didn't check one place how ever.  
-  
Sirens were heard ringing out everywhere. No one expected the police doctors and so many more people right in the heart of London at nine am. But today was everything unexpected. Louis didn't expect to find his love laying dead on his bathroom floor with a note in his hand and pills scattered on the floor. Louis didn't expect for this day to be the day when his love would take half of him when he left. That that day did happen and there was no going back.

"I never meant to let you sleep alone,  
I never meant to make you feel alone,  
I never will let you go"


	5. Epilogue: You Make Me Strong

It's been five days since Louis found harry, it's been five days and he can't bring him self to stop looking at Harry's note and journal. It was clear to the boys Louis wanted to be alone so they took care of the matter at hand, Modest!. In Louis eyes it was all there fault, if it wouldn't of been for Dan to convince them into hiding who they were then he would of been happily cuddling in bed with Harry Edward soon-to-be Tomlinson. But things don't turn out that way, instead Louis is making all the preparations for Harry's funeral. Louis can't even think about Anne or Gemma or Robin they all probably hate Louis' guts at this point, he's sure if he was in their shoes he would too.   
-  
The day of the funeral was coming up much too quickly for Louis liking. He was forced to leave the flat he was forced to shower and eat. But the only thing Louis would think of every time he ate was Harry.   
"Lou, here's some fajitas." Zayn said handing Louis the plate.   
The monotone look never broke off of Louis time he just looked up and simply said, "Harry made me these the day I went to meet him at his dad's place." Zayn never said anything when Louis didn't even touch his food.   
When the day of the funeral came all the boys didn't know what to think of when Louis broke down crying for Harry form that just being in Louis sleep they had no idea how he was act seeing Harry's face for the last time.   
-  
It came time Louis in one of Harry's old black shirts and a blazer (he needed his baby with him in some form) he walked up to the dark Carmel coloured casket and just stared. He was not used to what he seen before him, unearthly pale, no smile, no dimples, no twinkle of his eyes nothing. Harry was just a body. Just a thing that had all the tattoos they made as couple Harry was no longer on earth with him Harry was back with his own kind. The angle returned home.   
-  
Soon viewing hour was over and it was only Anne, Gemma, Robin and Louis left.   
"I'm sorry." Louis said quietly standing at the door. "I never meant for any of this to happen, I have no right to be here now I can leave if you want he is your son and brother and well I was just someone who messed up his life." Louis looked down before he was engulfed by the two woman both taller than him.   
"Louis," Anne muttered through her tears. "The fact that you loved him made him as strong as he could for as long as he could. I thank you for that. Now please put the ring on him, I know from where he is looking down on us he will be happy to know you never gave up on him."   
With tears eyes and a weak smile Louis did it he purposed to Harry's body knowing Harry's soul was with him, it always will be.   
"Curly not even death will do us part."  
-  
Louis knew he had to give some of Harry's things to who he wanted them to go to but to Louis all of Harry's clothes and books and every made it seem like Harry never left. Louis knew better though he'd see Harry one day, one day it would be him and Harry together again. So Louis packed.

As Louis lifted boxes into his car he looked up smiling, "and you said you'd never make me clean and tidy, you were wrong curly." Louis laughed looking at the journal sitting onto of one of the boxes.   
'I shoudnt,' Louis thought, 'there has to be a rule about reading a dead persons diary.' But Harry did leave it too him it was now or never to louis. With a call to Liam Louis had all the time to read while Harry's stuff was being brought back to his mum to sort.

"Dear Louis,   
I know you probably thought you shouldn't read my stuff since well by the time you read this I will be gone from here, but if you are having any second thoughts don't please I give you permission.   
"I Harry Edward Styles give you Louis William Tomlinson full permission to read anything and everything in my diary or journal."   
Only my Harry. Louis mumbled and continued to read flipping to another page  
"I know you don't mean to be with her and I know you love me and I am trying I really am but I just can't keep being strong any more,"   
He flipped the page.   
"Why can't I just be happily with him?"   
Flipped page   
"Is it too much to ask for something grate..." As Louis looked he seen Harry wrote a song about all the insecurities he felt but he never left a part for some one to respond. Louis quickly grabbed a pen and read through the song.   
" One day you'll come into my world and say it all  
You say we'll be together even when you're lost  
One day you'll say these words  
I've thought but never said  
You say we're better off together in our bed

I want you here with me  
Like how I pictured it  
So I don't have to keep imagining

Come on, jump out at me  
Come on, bring everything  
Is it too much to ask for something great?

The script was written and I could not change a thing  
I want to rip it all to shreds and start again  
One day I'll come into your world and get it right  
I'll say we're better off together here tonight

I want you here with me  
Like how I pictured it  
So I don't have to keep imagining

Come on, jump out at me  
Come on, bring everything  
Is it too much to ask for something great?

I want you here with me  
Like how I pictured it  
So I don't have to keep imagining

Come on, jump out at me  
Come on, bring everything  
Is it too much to ask for something great?

I want you here with me  
Like how I pictured it  
Is it too much to ask for something great?"   
With tears smudging some of the words on the page Louis wrote and hummed out   
"You're all I want  
So much it's hurting  
You're all I want  
So much it's hurting" Louis looked up and tried to pull a smile with out crying even more. "You're my something grate Harry."'  
-  
Louis never left his and Harry's old flat he stayed there and just wrote he didn't know what else to do he wanted all the of little things Harry said to be made into a song so he wrote "Happily" when Niall came in and heard Louis singing at the top of his voice all he could do was listen.   
"I don't care what people say when we're together.  
You know I wanna be the one to hold you when you sleep.I just want it to be you and I forever. I know you wanna leave. So come on baby be with me So happily." Louis smiled "soon Harry" he whispered before He noticed Niall was there.   
"Louis," Niall mumbled staring blankly at him, "please don't we already lost Harry."   
Louis nodded biting the inside of his cheek. "I know but if you were me you'd understand how much I miss him."   
Niall let his tears fall quickly hugging Louis, "Niall?" Louis asked, "can you help me for a minute."   
\-   
It was now going on three months with out Harry and Louis had done so much. He had wrote so many songs about his love, he had sued modest and won, and he went to visit Harry every night at midnight. It was special to louis. It was now December though and clearly going out in sweats and Harry's old jumpers weren't cutting it but it didn't matter Louis needed to see harry.   
-  
Louis quickly got out of his car walking to the only grave stone next to a huge cheery blossom tree. "Hey Harry," Louis smiled taking his seat next to the grave stone, "it's my birthday today, the big two two. I know it's my birthday but I have a gift for you, I wrote you a song well actually a few but this one is in response to Don't let me go so um here it is," Louis quickly took out his phone playing the recording of Niall strumming to play. "Alright so here it goes,"   
My hands,  
Your hands  
Tied up  
Like two ships.

Drifting  
Weightless.  
Waves try to break it.  
I'd do anything to save it.  
Why is it so hard to save it?" Louis started trying to keep his tears form falling,   
"I'm sorry if I say, "I need you."  
But I don't care,  
I'm not scared of love.  
'Cause when I'm not with you I'm weaker.  
Is that so wrong?  
Is it so wrong  
That you make me strong?" Louis finished his voice cracking and his lips turning blue from the cold. "I love you Harry he mumbled out, I love you more than anything. I'll be with you soon."   
Louis weakly got up walking to his car but before he even got there his body was failing it may of been from the cold or from Louis not eating for three months but what ever it was Louis was thanking it.   
-  
As he got into his car he felt someone with him, "hi Harry." He said taking the keys and turning the car on. Only a short drive later and Louis was back at his and Harry's home. Louis mind fogging and he felt like collapsing. "A few more steps" he told him self barely making it to his bed.  
-  
He curled in facing Harry's side of the bed and closing his eyes. When Louis awoke he was no longer in his home his room he was where he was meant to be. He was with Harry.   
"Oops?" Louis laughed.   
"Hi," Harry smiled taking Louis and kissing the boy he missed so much.


End file.
